Carmen said

Hi TAAmommy and Mayg,

OK...there was that hiatus bcos I simply couldnt get organised enough to take the first step. I didn't want to get disappointed before I even started, there were too many x factors etc etc.

Now though, things are taking a faint shape. Firstly it started with R deciding that we should switch to having light dinners at night. For the whole of last year, he's been on various heartburn meds bcos of an unknown reason. where most nights after dinner he would have severe heartburn. We tried lots of different things - different pillows, eating earlier, reducing the amount of spice, different heartburn medicines - prescriptions and otherwise and different doctors, colonoscopies all of that. Each time he was given a clean bill of health (touch wood) and the doctors were puzzled with why he was having this problem.

So far though after switching to soups, grilled fish and steamed veggies, he seems to be doing great and better still, for me it also means healthier meals for the family at night and that's one thing that got fixed automatically for me, thanks to him. I used to be a dinner person. I can go the whole day without eating (which is what I normally did) but come night and I had to have a good substantial dinner and needless to say that's a bad pattern for anyone trying to lose wt. So that's why I'm relieved that this one was taken out of my hands and got fixed, even though it's taken a while to get used to.

Also I read on my fave weight loss blog that its better to just start somewhere instead of looking at the whole wide picture and getting deflated at thought of the enormity of the event. So I put on my sweater, jacket, gloves and hat on and thought I'd take a round around my block and come back. I ended up doing 2 miles! No, I wasnt puffing and panting or sweating buckets, my intention was just to get into the habit/form a habit. I kept going at an even pace and that was it.

When I reached a part where the neighbourhood looked unfamiliar, I turned back. Why is that such a big deal for me? Bcos I havent exercised in almost a year. Nothing, zilch. The very thought makes me go into depression remembering the failed attempts. Just that one line from Carmen though was enough to get me back on track again. I'm happy I did it.

I'm going to try and buy myself a pedometer this weekend. The least I can do is try and walk those 10,000 steps.

Lunch today - rice and chicken, a fruit (apple) and lots of water.

Dinner - Soup and fruits.

Snacks if (like yea!!) I get hungry - nuts maybe, yogurt with raisin bran cereal and fruits.

I dont know if I'm right, like I said, this is a learning phase for me. Let's see what works and what wont. None of what I did today was an impromptu lets do it! moment - I've been sitting on it for you know how long. After hoardes of books and blogs and God knows what else, I took the start by going for a walk in the cold, as in Iam going to at least take a walk everyday, come what may.

Whys and wherefores...

I decided to start this weight loss blog. I know...it probably sounds crazy that I want to document it or have it up for all and sundry to see but thats just it. I feel like there'd be some accountability, some encouragement, some nudging, maybe some embarrassing moments but I've made up my mind to try this. I havent stuck to anything weight loss related for more than a few hours so believe me when I type this that this is really big for me.

Why I want to do it: in no particular order of importance:-

Mostly to feel good about myself.

To turn a few heads. For the right reasons!

Not to shave off any more years of my longevity if I can help it.

Once upon a time not so far off, I didnt see what the big deal in living long was for but now that I have kids, I want every possible joy a mother can experience from them to be mine.

And then some.

I want to able to get in a store and not automatically go for black or 'slimming clothes'. I just want to be able to buy whatever I fancy.

I want to develop a taste for good, healthy food. Soups, salads, smoothies, juices, just eat intelligently. More like what suits my system and give up food that doesnt look good on me akin to avoiding foods that give you allergies.

I want freedom from being fat related stress. It would be like being on a whole new planet for me.

I want to look good in a white shirt and blue jeans.

I want to able to be ready for a photograph without angling myself just right or sucking various body parts in.

I want to look good in case I'm caught in an accident (God forbid) and they're taking me to the hospital. I dont want whoever's helping me to berate me for my weight.

Also want my body to look good when I'm dead. Dont want the people bathing my dead body to be cussing me. Why would I care? I'm dead anyway?I dont know for sure....they say the soul feels whats going on. So I wouldnt want to feel ashamed!

As you can see I want to do this all for me. Firstly. Then there's my mom who says I was quite a good looking kid before I let myself go to pot. She says she wants to see back there again. At least close. Lol.

For my husband who despite everything, has always loved me like he cant see the fat.

For my kids - there's so much we have to do together!

How I'm going to do it:-
I don't know.
I'm going to make it up as I go along. Learn what needs to be done along the way.

Since the comp is always on I'd refer to it more than any book or diary, which I've tried in the past and been unsuccessful with. Half those times I never remembered where the book was.

I'm not going to post photos or initial weight. I'd rather not depress myself anymore than I already have while looking at this page. But I will let you know that to reach my goal wt, I need to lose about 50 pounds.

I will record my day's doings so that I know where I'm heading, where I've been.

If there is a science to this then my mission is to learn it and apply it to myself.